It’s been three months since I learned I was sensitive to gluten. I was angry but since I thought it couldn’t be possible it was worth removing it from my diet for at least a month. Ideally I’d drop five pounds and then return to my normal habits.
It’s been two months since I learned I was sensitive to gluten, dairy, and sugar. I cried.
Sometimes I still cry.
When you’ve made food your livelihood, your passion, your joy, it is heartbreaking to learn that it no longer can be.
I am a baker. How can a baker bake without flour? Dairy? Sugar? Can it really taste good? And how much work will it take? Am I no longer a baker.
When you’re passionate you grapple with passion often. How do you know if you’re really good, can you find a way to make money at it, how do you integrate it into your life, every day…And as you grapple you can become exhausted, overwhelmed by passion, but the grappling is better than a lack. A longing for passion. A sadness in living without it.
I have been positive about my new diet, when I’m able. I must be. I must find ways to relate to food in the way I did. To eat for sustenance and for joy. To bake for pleasure.
I’m discovering new grains. I’m baking gluten free granola—it’s easy. I’m eating fewer desserts and more chocolate. And as my diet changes the things I crave do too. Less meat. Spice. Spending time in the kitchen without a recipe.
In rediscovering I’m inhibiting myself from documenting my food, in placing too much importance on it. In not marking my recipes I’m discovering how they can change and I’m freeing myself to take big risks. Soon I’ll enter back into it, a big pleasure in food is sharing it.
Tonight I was able to cook Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free Chicken Florentine. I couldn’t find a recipe that did precisely what I wanted. I was lucky to have built the tools in two months to deviate. To look to recipes, feel inspired, and make my own. I made a creamy pesto sauce with fresh basil, loose nuts, olive oil and avocado. I breaded my chicken with corn flour. I boiled quinoa pasta.
My wish is to one day be able to pass this knowledge on to you, just like I love showing you how to take care of plants or wear brooches. I’m not there yet but I will be.